There's something about metal that allows it to hold a special place in my heart. There was a time in middle school when I was completely into metal, and it was the hard core metal. Not Poison, or even Motley Crue. I bought a Megadeth CD. I thought Metallica was too soft. Well, the Megadeth CD came in the mail (I bought it from Columbia House) and as soon as my mom saw the cover (Basically a collection of skulls) she made me throw it away and she closely watched my music selection from then on. What is strange is that she thought it was completely OK that I belonged to a money sucking organization like Columbia House, but was completely against CDs with human skulls on the cover.
Don't get me wrong, I don't value metal as a genre that is valuable in terms of "art." I don't even know what that means. But like Chuck Klosterman, I realize that it has a cultural relevance that most people are just plain afraid to admit. The reason they are afraid is pretty typical. It's usually because they know all of the lyrics to every single that came off of Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet (this would be the part where I would list the singles, but you already know them, remember?). While Guns 'n' Roses's Appetite for Destruction may have been the best metal record ever, Bon Jovi might be the penultimate metal band in terms of popularity (which includes records sold, concert money accrued, and videos made; I would even argue it includes number of songs found at a typical karaoke bar). That being said, I have something to say about a band that came before the normaly accepted time of metal (hair and all).
Nazareth's "Hair of the Dog" has to be in the top 5 most bad ass metal songs of all time. When I listen to that song--well, first I always crank up the volume to a blistering level that is certain to make people turn their heads and exclaim, "What the fuck is that?!?" At which point if I were to stay true to the message of the song I would be smashing a guitar over their heads for asking such a silly question. Anyway, the song makes me want to smash guitars over the heads of people who give me dirty looks. Of course it really doesn't make me do this, but it just seems like that is what I should be doing.
What's also interesting about Nazareth is they have an album titled Razamanaz, which I think is the closest any metal band has come to uttering the word "razmataz," which is of course completely un-metal. Then you listen to the title track and they actually say "razamataz." It's incredible. Now, there is no dictionary entry for "razamataz", but "razmataz" is in the dictionary and means "an exciting and complex play intended to confuse the opponent," in the same vein as "razzle-dazzle." Nazareth uses the term to indicate that they are going to have sex (i think that's where the extra "a" comes in) with a woman (and I do mean they as in the entire band plans on having sex with one woman). And when you listen to the song, it does seem likely that they will use a few exciting and complex moves that will confuse the woman. Maybe this is where the wine mentioned in the beginning of the song comes in, as well as the dancing mentioned later.
Nazareth also seems to have had an obsession with shotguns in 1973.
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